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In the waiting room with momby Jackie Brousseau-Pereira Today has been a long day. It started when I got up at 4:30 a.m. Work-related stress has been giving me insomnia this week. Sometimes it's just better to get up and do something rather than lie there thinking about all of the stuff that needs to be done. So, I got up. I made a to-do list for work and edited a report that needed attention. When the members of my household started to get up, I turned to the task of getting them ready for the day. Lunches and breakfasts were made. Everyone was dressed. Then it was time for day care drop off, which, for a change, went pretty smoothly. From there I was off to work. I knew I only had a few hours before I had to go to a meeting so I tried to get through as much of that to do list as I could. I also knew that I would have to leave work after that meeting to bring my mother to a doctor's appointment. All morning I was troubled by this feeling of being inconvenienced. I have so much work to do and yet I had promised to go with my mom to any of her doctor's appointments if she ever needed me. She asked. I had to say yes, even if the timing felt bad. You can't say no to the woman who gave birth to you, right? I rushed out of my office at 1 and drove halfway across the state to pick her up. I was late, even though I had budgeted in an extra half hour of travel time. I faced road construction and a closed street right at my usual shortcut, and I must have hit every red light I came across. By the time I got there to pick her up, I felt terrible, I had let her down. As it turned out, I didn't have to worry. Not only did we make it to her doctor's office with 15 minutes to spare, but the doctor was running behind so we didn't get to see him at the scheduled time. In fact, we had a two-hour wait before he could see us. Despite the delay, her doctor was lovely. He apologized profusely for being so late. Then he got down to business. He spoke words that I'm sure he's spoken so many times. "There's a mass. We don't think it's malignant but we have to be sure." I sat calmly throughout the appointment. I asked appropriate questions. I took notes. After the appointment, we went back to my mom's. Her friend was waiting for her. I rehashed the entire appointment. "There's a mass. It's probably not cancer but they have to take it out to make sure that it's not." The words felt reassuring. On the drive home I kept thinking about the two hours we had spent waiting for the doctor. I knew I was supposed to be annoyed that it took so long for him to get to us. He had several family conferences lined up that day. He apologized. I know I was supposed to be annoyed, but really I wasn't. Not at all. We spent the time together talking and laughing. I had a chance to really listen to my mom - not the way I sometimes do, halfheartedly, when I'm on the phone with her and I'm checking my email and the kids are pulling on me. Then I don't really get a chance to listen. But really, it was great, a luxury even, to get to sit with her and talk about our family, what my kids are up to, and even what she's watching on TV. Before that long drive home, as I got ready to leave her house, my mom slipped me ten bucks. "It's for the gas," she said. "Mom, I don't want this," I replied. But she insisted, so I put it in my pocket. You aren't supposed to say no to your mother, right? I will find a way to slide it back to her. I know it's her way of paying me back for those two hours. But I don't want her money and I wouldn't trade those two hours for anything. Two hours is not such a long time. 
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YES!
Thank you, Christopher, for that comment.
One thing I've learned over the past few years as my mother has declined is that you'll only have this time once. You don't get any do-overs, so it seems real important to try to let go of past resentments and just be in the present--although that's not always easy. Forgiveness and acceptance seem to be the best positive route forward, rather than bitterness and regret. We're not kids anymore, so we do have a lot more control over the situation than we might think at first. Check out Kathy Caprino's post in the blog section about becoming better not bitter. Good advice for those of us with aging parents. Good luck!
I love my mother
Reading this article reminds me of my mother that lives thousands of miles away from me. If I could turn back the time, I would choose to live with her and love her wholeheartedly. My parents got divorced when I was about 3 years old. Since then, it wasn't until last year I had the chance to meet and speak with her. She revealed the secret that she kept herself for almost 20 years. She told me that, she didn't want the divorce to be happened. But she couldn't stand the abuse from my father. On the other hand, my father told me that my mother was a bad mother ever. But I knew he was lying to us to protect his ego. After I hear the secret, I feel ashamed as I had treated my mother the way I shouldn't have. But, she still loves me and will always love me. Now, our relationship is getting better and she usually phones me up twice a week to ask about my condition. I love you Mum...
Wow
Yes, so good to "get" these moments. Tx and luv.